5/16: McArthur High School HazMat Situation
Students, Teachers Decontaminated After Breaking Out In Rash
5/19: No confirmation on chemical at Fort Lauderdale International Airport
5/21: Police: Man bites woman in Westchester
5/23: I-285 reopens after hazmat incident
5/23: Man Bites Cousin’s Nose Off
5/24: Second Broward school reports mystery rash
5/25: Hazmat Called After Kids Exposed To Pesticide On Bus: Hazmat, EMS Respond To Lake County, FL School
5/25: ‘Disoriented’ passenger subdued on flight in Miami
5/26: Naked Man Allegedly Eating Victim’s Face Shot And Killed By Miami Police
5/26: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolmen After DUI Arrest
All in same week and same state…. may God be with you Florida.I knew it would start in Florida. I just knew.
I have long maintained that there is something in the water in Florida. Now we know: it’s the zombie virus. Stay safe, Sunshine State readers…
constant vigilance, floridian followers
Goddamnit.
Hey, Florida… What’s going on, guys? You doing ok over there?
I knew the marketing team for The Walking Dead was good but this is just… wow.
I’ve been feeling the need to write here but i havn’t anything specific to say. Just that we visited the DMZ this last weekend which was unique to be sure, but not exactly an impacting event. Just something to say that you’ve done.
Ya, there were plenty of soldiers younger than me toting around automatic weapons. Most of them looking just like boys and even acting it too. Waving to the tourists, and smiling and all that jazz. Funny and not really unnerving, but gave the impression that everything was buisness as usual, despite being on the boarder of a war zone.
The actual boarder was little more than a wide range of hills and soil. Mostly cut barren so people cant sneak in or out between the countries. Not that they’d want to take that route since its full of landmines. That’s mainly why i was glad the boarder is so tightly guarded, just so no idiot wanders off and blows themselves up.
The tunnel we toured was dug by the North to try infultrating the south, so its now a tourist attraction which I imagine is partially a mocking gesture to the North. But im damn glad they gave us all helmets, cuz I was scraping my head on that ceiling way too much.
But that was after I lost the hat. My hat. I don’t want to talk to much about it, or even think about it, but it was a constant that I took with me everywhere. More so than my coat. For four years it covered my head, and I loved that hat. I wont bitch cry over it since I loved my dog even more but I didn’t cry over him yet, but its just that time in my life when things are constantly changing, which includes things being lost and dying.
There must be distinct periods in everyones life thats like that. When your young and when your old. People start to die and things become lost. Little tragedies. No reason to cry over them since its just how it is.
But aside all that, I did have one memorable event. the bungee jumping. Just falling off a bridge side. Just thinking about brings my mind back into painfully sharp focus, like im back there on the edge and though you’d think everything would be obscured because of the distance, its not. You can see the suds clearly in the water below as if you were inches away.
And the sight makes you sick.
But dear god I wanted nothing more than to just step back, away from that edge and just walk back down. Nothing would have made me happier. But the only thing that kept me on that edge was one thought.
“Too many people have already gone for you to back out now. You’re stronger than most of them, so you have to go.”
I didn’t believe that at all. It was very unconvincing. But even so it was the only process by which I could inch closer to that edge.
And it was really hard to keep from shitting.
The fall was dramatic. Easy to lean off as long as you think about falling into bed or something soft, but then you pick up speed and your heart jumps into your stomach and your stomach to your balls and its just like pure speed rushing past you and through your brain.
Then the straps grab you around your ankles and pull you up like a pair of strong hands.
Then throws you pack into the air to watch you fall again.
Its only like that once though. After the initial fall and rebound, its just a bunch of dizzying twirling. And then the guy at the bottom pulls you into the boat and tells you to just lay down. Suddenly he is your new best friend.
So it was a very worthwhile trip, and I could see how anyone could get majorly hooked on these adrenalin rides.
For now though, this nice week of relaxation…..is killing me. I have a full week of no classes and half days, but it just kills me to be doing so little and seeing so few people. I guess i enjoyed having a crowd of English speaking folks around me again that now I just miss it a lot.
Times like this, I see that i need another girlfriend, or just a dog.
Video Games are a much needed Bastion to me. They are immensly important to the point that i’m not sure I can properly convey. The goofy or quirky or terrefying elements of games have been highly inspiring, encouraging and even blissful for me at times. Each game is experienced first hand and then post-experienced when I look back on the time when it was played.
Meaning the place i played, which was often at the place i called home at the time. The circumstances of work, family, and relationships. The joys and sorrows and fears come russing back so familiarily. I supppose its like music and the way it opens up memories to people like a broken flood gate. Its non stop nostalgia.
Where I am now I technically call home but its hard to make it feel like my own place that im really experienceing. And I guess thats because I don’t have any games to play. (Imagine moving to a new city and spending months at a time not listening to any music. Things begin to seem pretty drab.) So I believe I need to find a game of my own to help me realy settle in. Because really, this is important.
I can tell you of the buzzing sensation of juvinile summers spent playing Final Fantasy 7. And Followed it up with Dirge of Cerberus as i held that poor quality mini-tv in my lap and peered into that world like it was a dream.
Or the solitary mission of survival I shared with Naked Snake in the Russian Rainforest. Though he was dodging bullets, I was dodging homework during freshman year at college.
That same year I fought to stay alive on EDN-III, when a massive flu had me bedridden for a week and playing Lost Planet almost made it worst. The blizzards gave me chills and I could feel Akrid phlegm lodge itself in my throat.
And the most glorious time, when I was happiest most. Laying about with my girlfriend and spending everyday between a flurry of Bayonetta, homework and sex. Some times I lost track of which was which. I’ve yet to live a better time than then.
But what about the long Senior year, when too much from too many sides was threatening my sanity. Not even school councilers could make time to help. So i turned to the only reliable companion at that time. Aliens Vs. Predetors. The rediculous cycle between terror based marine play, mach Preditors stalking said prey, and cheep as hell Aliens just tearing the shit out of anything that moves. There was never a time when playing games was more urgently needed.
The great exploring of the DC Wasteland for my birthday was one moment i can’t neglect. The whole celebration proceeded as normally planned, until my friend handed a copy of Fallout 3 to me and all i could ask was “What is this exactly? Doesn’t look like my kind of game.” I test ran it just to be polite, and suddenly it was 8 hours later. Could anything capture me so entirely ever again? Likely not. Not even close.
But then the long dreadful summer of waiting. Biding my time to the point where time nearly stopped forever, I almost became trapped in the vortex of post-graduate home dwelling FOREVER. The only saving grace was that hillariously shamefull internship for writing and the games I played al between.
Amnesia for the late nights of nail biting.
New Vegas for those hot days and cool blues and damn tasty cheese platters with jalapano chips.
The amber glow of Deus Ex HR as I sought something to give me full immersion. (Even now my vision feels augmented.)
Those crazy crazy nights of screaming over Magika. (Its amazing how often just two people can kill each other by crossing the wrong beams.)
The dissapointment that was Dead Space 2 and the hillarity that ensued from it while LMFAO was blasted over the screams of bloody murder. Its was honestly the only way i could get through that game because of how much it sucked. Just Suuuuuuuuucked. Bullshit halfass job and a vain attempt to copy the first in hopes of makign another $ hit. Big miss there.
The irritation and pain that was Assassins Creed Revelations. I have nothing against the game so much because i honestly found it entertaining, but i couldn’t help but be depressed every time i played knowing there was so much I could do but it’d never get done before my leaving. I had seriously vowed off any new games for the three weeks before take off, but since it was thrust on me, I hate the idea of the game entirely now. Its just an embodiement of incessant incompleteness.
I truely could go on forever. Every Pokemon I played (Bad ass Cloyster on every team possible), all the FF games (3 & 6 being the most MAGICAL.), the Fire Emblem games on GBA. (ahhhhhhh High School…… fuck you so much.), and that banefully addicting Rhythm Heaven that kept me from my Chinese Homework all year (probably why I only remember 2 worlds now).
But the point is I have no game I’m playing. Nothing really of note. I finished off the original Deus Ex but that was already started back home and doesn’t have its own memory burned in association with Korea. (I suppose Invisible War might take its stead, but has anyone ever seriously played that game? I mean- COME ON! Right from the start they practically tell you your not supposed to give two shits about it all!)
Maybe Im just lementing too much and I can easily get access to something or other worthwhile. But its just such a trial to use this machine when I can’t trust it to not die at anytime.
And as with anything else I say. Its mearly ranting that means nothing to nobody but me. But hey, at least you wasted time reading something interesting?
Another eventful weekend in little Andong. It started rather abruptly Friday morning as I woke and just had one of those moments. Literally sitting straight up and thinking aloud “TODAY WILL BE A GREAT DAY.”
needless to say it wasn’t. At least not great. Fairly well-off is a better way to go about it. But class (My single class of low level boys) went well. Even if they don’t remember all that we covered, at least the chance is greater that they picked SOMETHING up. If only because I kept them awake for an hour.
The day was short and sports club day had the boys all up in a tizzy. The teachers too. I had the chance of playing with the boys or keeping to my own work for the day, but i was also given the chance to ride along with some choice teachers for their Movie Club meeting. I was graciously accepting and anticipating a good time, but it seemed that not all members of the club were willing to share.
Throughout the rest of the day I was dropped subtle but constant hints from numerous teachers that I should reconsider. perhaps playing soccer or basketball with the boys. or maybe even just staying behind to do work on my own.
Their constant pestering was successful because I chose to abstain from taking part. Congratulations are in order for those unseemly co-teachers and their unwelcoming tactics. I remained on my own to finish my work. So be it. The only true satisfaction I take from it is that I know none of them can fully appreciate how ridiculous Battleship would be considering its roots.
HA!
I was determined to not have my day ruined by that. Though I did feel rather harmed by their callousness. I spent some hours recuperating and was about to head out for a ride (perhaps off the side of the dam) when I chanced upon a group anouncement on facebook for a night out on the town and testing out the new dance club.
Needless to say I would be attending.
Dancing is deffinately not my thing. But with my mood as it was, running down the street on fire would have been my thing that night. So with the customary pre-gaming commenced, I learned of where I could obtain some semi-decent cigars. I was certainly extatic for that and very happy afterwards, despite it smelling of feet and crumbling in my mouth.
(Ahhhhh now I think back to my first cigar. It was the dawn of summer. Dad’s great BBQ being all gobbled up and plenty of beers having been drunk, the back porch became a deft land of delicous smoke. Though at the time I was much too inexperienced to savor the flavor of those stogies and so let a nearly whole roll go to waste. How sad. And how I yearn for such quality tastes again…)
Where was I……….cigars…..bar….DANCE! We danced. But before that, we arrived. This new club had an atrocious cover, $8 for chicks and 10 for dicks, which isn’t too bad compared to home, but it was mearly their second night open and their inexperience showed.
The place was packed, but was anything but jumping. Every seat filled with bored looking high schoolers and College students. The dance floor was small and barren, but it was almost like they were waiting for us Waygooki to make the magic happen.
And boy did we.
That whole night would have been a flop without us, i am fairly sure. Cuz we were on the floor having a good time before the DJ even arrived. And when he finally did, then the seats were empty and the floor swelled.
Foreigners and Natives all hopping, bopping and shuffling together. It was magical.
For a time at least. Till they ran out of soju smoothies. And OMFG beers were way too overpriced. A Heineken for w8,000. 8-dollars. Heineken. Just horrible.
So many of us became overly thirsty and tired quickly. But at least we got the place moving when we did. Its the kind of business that would normally get us a few free drinks, save for they were still just opening and running out as it was. We gave some of the native kiddies a reason to go back a few more times. And the business people know that.
So a dizzy fun time was had then. But the next day was further eventful as it was the first official day of spring. Marked by the Cherry Blossom Festival. It was a gorgeous event with miles of cherry blossoms in bloom. We met many friends from the night before and enjoyed the dances and displays. Later going into town for lunch and shopping.
We ended the evening with a few games of Billiards which we mostly sucked at. Finding these places in a chore in of itself, always tucked away in the top most corner of buildings and looking as sketch as possible. I find it hard to imagine anything but the greasiest of pits when you view these places from the outside. Somehow though it manages to be a decent establishment after all.
So despite a pretty meek start to the week-end. I’ve managed to have fairly entertaining time, which is what most matters. Everyday it seems to be a bout between staying indoors and keeping to myself in the vain hope that i’ll produce something of merit in either writing or working; or, getting out and about and enjoying my time with new interesting folk with the vain hope that i’ll get around to that work on the morrow.
The choice is always obvious but not always easy. I also have the faint sense that Im spending money too quickly. Like it disapears much faster than it should despite me not buying anything.
I think its just the extra decimals in the currency that makes me feel as if I have alot.
This week has been a bit busy for plenty of reasons, school aside.
Just a quick update on things that have been happening, just because i’m sure the three people who read this are just DYING to know about every detail of my life!
So I got a phone. A Used phone that const me a pretty penny, ($170+$55 a month) but its alright. I ain’t bitter any because its useful. But more than useful, its mine. First phone that is ever really mine.
I’ve always dealt with secondhand goods and hand me downs for cloths (except shoes), books and general memorabelia. Or at least i’ve gotten things through a intermediary.
The only possessions i’ve ever gotten on my own that I particularly picked out and was made new just for me, was my PC and now this phone. As I said its used, but only slightly and its my own to pay for and be responsible for. So like my PC, its less of a useful machine and more like a modern Tamagachi with a heavy price tag.
I’ve yet to get figure everything out, but i’ll get there eventually. Just because I can keep more in touch with people though, doesn’t mean I will.
Secondly, I found a church. More or less. My golf buddies, particularly Mr. Gang invited me by his place and in doing so i was inadvertantly invited to church. I had forgotten it was Black Friday and so i took part in a good ol’ fashion Church service.
And it was really nice. Reminded me of home quite a bit. Some familiar hymns like “That old rugged cross” and “Amazing grace” and even the poor sound quality of the videos gave a sense of nostalgia. Believe it or not, it takes just as many Korean sound technicians to figure out a sound board as it does American. At least three!
So i was invited back for Easter service and this time I’ll be sure to have my own Bible, but it just felt good to have something familiar around here, even if i still didn’t understand anything being said.
But one thing that is really starting to get to me is that everywhere I go, people are asking me to teach them English. At school, at bars, on the street and even in church, people want me to be involved. I’m not used to it. Being needed to help teach, i’ve had experience with before in school as a tutor, but that was when people came to my realm to ask my expertise. Here, i’m being pulled apart between too many things and too many people.
I was asked to help teach kids Bible Study in English, and I really don’t think i’m fit for that. I’ve been here for such a short time, but really that is not the problem. I’m trying to not be cowardly or shy or a shut in because that will not benefit me in any way. So i want to be outgoing and able. But I sure as hell don’t want to be stretched too thin. Just a week of regular classes seem to do me in. And they are still asking for more.
I’m reminded of one of the science teachers Mr. Kang (different from Mr. Gang though both my golf buddies.) How after a few hours of gold practice, he had to head home and rest. He’d been out late the last 10 nights in a row just keeping up with his social life. Friends and drinking and eating and everything but sleeping.
Its really hard to answer their questions when they ask what i do in my free time. How do I properly explain that I like to sit in bed and read for three hours until I fall asleep. Or write blog posts and bits of story ideas or watch youtube till the sun goes down? I don’t have much friends here, and though I have the means of staying in touch now, most of them are married or dating or just like to leave town at every chance they can get. I like to just hang out.
Maybe living in Canby for too long had that adverse effect on my psyche. I just work at one place and then just sit at one place or another until my next shift. Its not that bad really. I’ve gotten used to being boring. I sure as hell don’t feel interesting, just awkward. And boy do I act it as well.
I need to get to Seoul sometime soon. I need a fucking smoke. GOD! Why didn’t i bring my cigars and pipe. I get stressed just thinking about how its all rotting back home. FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
So this weekend….what a weekend. It was bright. TOO BRIGHT! But let me start off with the start. Friday night it was alright, when we all met at Indies, the westerner bar in town. a jive place and more than 40 of us waygook’s filling the place up. Met some cool people, even a cute japanese hooker who we thought was just stupid in the head, until her pimp showed up. That was a little akward.
But while we were there, I also met a big ogre of a guy named Erik, and he happened to be from Grant’s Pass Oregon. Pretty funny guy and funny chance of meeting him. He even graduated from Canby High School, in 1991. Still a cool guy though. (a huge number of people here are actually from Michigan. Could only guess why.) The whole theme of it was based off this old song with the lyrics “My future is so bright, i need to wear shades!” So that was hip.
He and another fellow got the idea together to have a party bus. An actual Kariokie Bus where we could drink and sing and go to a buffet and then bar hopping and…uhg, so much party. I debated back and forth between going and sitting in my room all day. It was a pretty hard decision really considering I had already been drinking the night before and I was perfectly content to stay in bed.
(Not to mention I had just been paid and bought alot of supplies for my place but had my card declined so a friend had to buy the stuff for me and I paid him back in cold hard cash. I would therefor have to head to the bank on my way out and it just seemed like too much hassle!)
I eventually convinced myself to go. I made the meeting place just in the nick of time at 3pm when the bus rolled up, audacious colors and tacky tassels and all. And of course, everyone is wearing plastic sunglasses shouting “So Bright!” like they’re tripping on acid. Literally, every 5 minutes, someone would shout “SO BRIGHT! YOU’RE ALL SO BRIGHT!”
And so we boarded, headed out of town, singing Sweet home alabama and Queen hits while drinking wayyyyyyy too much beer and soju and jello shots. IT WAS JUST LIKE COLLEGE ALL OVER AGAIN! EXCEPT ON A BUS! So that was massive fun.
We had a SamGapSal buffet, which is pretty much thick bacon strips, BBQ’d with hot sauce and garlic. it was so good. AND SO BRIGHT! We even witnessed a fun mask dance performance by our hosts. <Videos to be included> After a long dinner party of that, we headed back on the bus for more fun. Some of us were ready to call it a night, it was already 7:30 and dark.
but NOPE! Futures too bright for that! we hit up three other bars lastnight. Some of use playing crude games of “Never have I ever” while putting money down on the worst story possible. I don’t want to sound braggish or anything but…. I won. $10 to my name for sharing the worst story at the table. (but i’ll never tell anyone else what it was so don’t ask.) That was more or less my own personal triumph/shame of the night.
By the time we hit that final bar, it was about 12 and the two young bartenders were looking like they were about to close up for the night. When suddenly 30-some foreigners bust through the door and start barking drink orders.
They were overwhelmed to say the least. I actually had to wait an hour to get my brandy, but thankfuly two of our own worked as tenders and got behind the bar and started mixxing. The poor Korean’s looked horrified yet relieved at the same time.
So three (or five, can’t remember) hours later, we began to depart. Some people we out cold on the floor. I helped a new friend Chris make his way back home.His wife had left him slumped in a chair and it was our job to get him somewhere other than the bar. I offered my place to stay at, but he was adament about staggering back to his own place.
So I made some great friends finally. And most of them are happy to have new blood in the area since most people have been here for more than two years. I just wish I was a little more interesting for they’re entertainment, but then again, anything is entertaining when you drink and run around town partying for more than 12 hours. 3pm-3am we were moving. If we have more nights like this, then MAN the future looks bright.
Thank god I just have a day and lots of tea to recover!
Well ive had a rough couple of last days. Golf was good with the Natives. I’ve gotten increasingly better, cutting my triple bogeys into constant Double Pars, so my overall score is less like 60-over par and more like 20. Point is I suck. BUT SUCK LESS!
After a good-ish game, me and the other old fellows headed out for Dedji-kop-degi. Skin of pork. Really fatty Bacon to best describe it. It was pretty dang good, esspecially with all the extra spicy condements and soju.
BUT OH THE HORROR.
All was not meant to be happy and peaceful and tasty for long. Indeed thine fate had already been sealed by the rapid change of weather and seasons. It was a looming danger, one which I knew to well yet still proove my naivete by never noticing before its to late….
Of course I speak of my excessive nose bleed syndrome. As soon as there is a shift in weather, i’m in immediate danger. And with the drinking of the soju, its only more likely.
So when it came to pass that during a wonderful night of games, drinks and food among colleages, my nose suddenly started leaking rice-red lifestream, I was less surprised and more agrivated.
Everyone else seemed thuroughly nonplussed. Not even a “oh goodness me! What ever is the matter?” They were more “Here, take this and shove it in there till it stops.” (Handing over a napkin of course) They even wanted me to keep eating. Like it really meant nothing that i was leaking juice all over the place.
So that was less than fantastic. Spent the rest of the night hauking leuggies the likes of which would make Romaro green. (with envy or otherwise.)
So you’de think i’d learn my lesson RIGHT?????
OF COURSE NOT!
It just so happened that we had a nice big meeting of EPIK teachers in Andong earlier this evening, which the buissness end was meh, but the socializing aspect is why i cared to go at all. Its hard to meet these people enough as it is without faceboking and cell phoning all the time. But when you’re stupid like me, any attempts made are usually near fatal.
As was the case today.
“Just one glass of soju. Thats all I swear.”
I made it through half.
It wasn’t such a scene. most people didn’t notice or at least didn’t make a big deal of it, which is nice. Being known around town as Bloody Benjamin wouldn’t be all that bad, but i’d prefer this to not being the reason.
At least I got 4-5 bites of that delicious dinner in before I kamakazied my way to the bathroom and hovered over a sink for half an hour. Essentially missing the entire interactive part of the dinner and the whole reason I wanted to take part.
So here I am again, back home with a pair of wadded tissues hanging from my snouts, nursing a bland cup of tea and a bowl of instant ramen.
Some things never change.
The only realistacally negetive part is that I now have blood on two of my dress shirts and a pair of kahkis. Luckily, a dry cleaners as just moved in across the street so i’ll go there and see if they can do anything about it. If not, then balls.
More like a week and a half. But thats not to say its been bad. In fact its been more good than anything. I’d go so far as to even say its been average. So ya, its been my first completely average work week. I’ve officially made it in.
So any given day usually looks like this.
Up at 6:40, cuz I want to eat a decent breakfast, which means cooking at this hour. (ive tried going a few mornings without. It wasn’t pleasent.)
I usually shower the night before so I just fix my hair and deoderant-up. (Don’t judge, i’m still a bachlor)
Leaving for school by 7:30, i take the tunnel access which is faster than the overhead highway route between me and school. Its more residential, so all i have to do is ignore the glares of withered old women and their slanderous muttering and Im good.
Some days i talk with students if they are going the same way. It upsets them to have to use english outside of class. Too bad though, they hired me specifically to torture you with my language.
I have three classes in the morning at different hours every day. Then lunch time, which should be a little rest, but i’ve gotten involved with a English Advancement Group who meet during that time and get special practice speaking English. They meet during lunch, so that leaves me 20 minutes to run from one building, ignore people as i scarf lunch, then run up four flights in the next building. Its a downright pain but i do enjoy talking with the boys.
I usually have 2 afternoon classes, on tuesday just one. These boys are usually more rowdy. Plenty of teachers insist that they are rude, but i don’t really see it that way. They’re young and tough with eachother but more respectful than American kids it seems. I suppose i’m still new so they aren’t sick of me yet.
Now I know all that my job entails, and its a huge pain in the feet. as well as other places. My week starts super busy and then just gets busier. at least through Wednesday. Thursday is fairly busy as well but then we hit Friday. AHHHHHH fridayyyy. One class, and 6 hours free. Usually thats activity day so the kids go around town cleaning trash. Thoroughly supervised of course.
Thats also when most teachers want to go golfing. Now THAT is an excursion, as i’ve already described.
Its just a funny feeling being an actual teacher now. Its maddening and quick paced and i’ve only just started. But i’m finally getting into the rote of it.
Its alright. Just came back from Indies, the camply little Western bar. Forgot it was ST. Patties day but since some people were celebrating I joined in. THAKNS RYAN AND KELSY FOR TALKING NERD THINGS WITH ME! We agree on a lot about Star Wars, Disagree on Star Trek, and all froth exitedly about new Game of Thrones. ITS LIKE IM BACK HOME!
Also, a little bit drunk. Hard to see the screen so i look for my glasses. Oh! Here they are! on my face already! Hmmmm maybe sleep now….. NAH time for some Steam!
But I keep kicking myslef for not taking more pictures. I’ll try to do that this week.
I suddenly feel very lonely.
Not as in AWWW I MISS MY MOMMY AND DADA SO MUUUCH.
But more like
“Huh. I haven’t seen Kyle in a few days. Maybe i’ll go over…….oh wait. Ya. Thats right. Another country…..Piss. “
Every day so far is just about the same. Wake up early. Panic about school. Shower, eat, dress. Panic as I check my lesson plans again. Find a major flaw in it. Too late to fix. Leave in hopes of showing up early. Panic all the way to school. Show up just barely on time. School starts
BLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRR
School ends. WTF did I do today?
Go home, plan next lesson. panic all night. Get to sleep late. Repeat.
Right now I should be more prepared for classes than the last couple of days.
SHOULD BE.
Won’t know till i hit that class room floor. The class sizes and levels and grades all vary so much, that I may only need three lessons but i’m teaching six.
And advice from other teachers is plentiful. Which means useless. “Teach more seriously.” “Just have fun.” “Don’t worry you’re doing fine!” ”Don’t worry you’re going to suck at this for a VERY long time!”
Every time someone tries to help me, its more hassel than help. Not to mention the way some teachers will stand in the class and watch me drown and lose control while they watch like some quirky sitcom. My name ain’t Seinfeld here. And even if it was, these kids won’t appreciate Airline food humor.
And i’m panicking right now again. But what am I panicking about?
Mostly just losing control. of myself, of my class, of my job or my professional appearance. All of these are easy to let slip when the kids you teach only know 5 words and don’t care to remember them.
And I feel like an Automation.
Every day I come home and sit in this room for 8 hours straight. then sleep in it. I don’t yet hate the place, but I will soon enough. When that happens, i’ll post all the hair I pull out of my head.
Its not all to bad actually. I just put on a face as much as possible throughout the day and then keep the rest pent up for sake of appearances. Even when I meet other EPIK teachers, i’m always putting on airs. I don’t feel I can be friends with any of them. I don’t think I want to. Every time they mention doing something fun, its visiting another city, or another country for the weekend.
I can’t afford that. And I probably won’t be able to for a long time. Most people seem to have trouble getting paid the first few months. Really. A 2 or 3 months. No cash. I brought lots with me here but I can only afford to use so much at once.
One good(?) habit i’ve taken to is photographing my meals. Either krap I make myself or the gold the serve in resturaunts, I just want to compare it together. or to stuff from home. or rally i have no clue why. But I do.
Aside from all that. The only thing I seem to do, or even want to do, is play the one game I have and watch Youtube. i do alot of that. Maybe its a bad thing. i got free internet but its more a crutch for me to hide inside and nothing all week. Not even write. The pain of my incompetance right now is sever. I don’t know how much more I can afford to take.
Some times I feel lonely. But most times I just hate people too much to do anything about it.
